Eddie Albert and the Amazing Animal Gang Page 2

  ‘I can’t really remember much about her,’ Eddie admitted. ‘Just little things that aren’t really that clear.’

  ‘Well, you were very young when she died, so it’s not surprising,’ his dad said kindly. ‘But don’t forget all the videos and photos and recordings of her singing that we’re lucky to have to remember her by. And I’m really lucky because I’ve got something extra special to remind me of her.’

  ‘What?’ Eddie asked.

  ‘You!’ his dad replied, making Eddie blush. ‘Now, let’s get back to work, cowboy.’

  As Eddie picked up the soggy wallpaper his dad couldn’t help thinking how much happier Eddie seemed these days, less insecure and better in his new school. He’d made friends and loved his guitar lessons both at home, where they had regular ‘jamming’ sessions together, as well as playing in the school band.

  ‘Eddie,’ his dad asked. ‘Have you played a guitar solo in the school band yet?’

  ‘Er, no,’ Eddie replied sheepishly, busy stuffing the scrunched-up wallpaper into a bin liner and avoiding his dad’s eye.

  ‘Why don’t you show them what you’re made of? Give them a bit of the old rock-and-roll?’

  ‘They might think I’m showing off. I’d sooner play in the group.’

  ‘What?’ his dad exclaimed. ‘Having a talent isn’t showing off. It’s like a book isn’t a book until somebody reads it, and a guitar is just a piece of wood and some strings until someone picks it up and plays it. You’ve got real talent – you’re good, Eddie, very good. And when you have a talent, you don’t hide it, otherwise it’s just a waste. Just wait until I get you on the electric guitar.’

  ‘I wish you were coming with me to Aunt Budge’s,’ Eddie said. ‘Won’t you change your mind?’

  ‘I’m afraid not, kiddo,’ his dad chuckled. ‘I’m a city boy and the countryside isn’t for me. And, besides, I’ve got work to do fixing this place up as well as rehearsals with the orchestra. You’re going to have a ball down there, as long as you keep out of trouble. Remember Amsterdam?’

  Eddie laughed and promised that he would behave.

  ‘You know something?’ his dad said, looking around the bare room. ‘This house is going to be something special once we’ve done it up. What do you think?’

  Eddie nodded enthusiastically. ‘Yes,’ he agreed. ‘It is.’

  The new house was on the edge of a park, and it had once belonged to the Head Park Keeper, who used to lock the park gates every night and keep a strict eye on things. Once upon a time there’d also been an ornate bandstand in the park, where a local brass band would play during the summer months, and everywhere you looked there were beautiful flowerbeds that the team of gardeners had kept in tip-top condition. But all that was long gone, and since park keepers were no longer required, the house had been sold off, and eventually, Aunt Budge had bought it. Aunt Budge, as you’ve probably gathered, was extremely wealthy, and one of her hobbies was buying property, which she then let people stay in for free – people she could trust, and who perhaps couldn’t afford anywhere nice themselves.

  Eddie loved this new house with a park on his front doorstep. He could walk his little dog, Butch, as well as play football with his friends from school. It was like having a great big garden. He shared this house not only with his dad, but also with an assortment of animals. There was Bunty the hamster, who’d once belonged to an RAF pilot, and who never tired of talking about her days in the air force; Jake and Dan the goldfish, who would have you believe that they were once bloodthirsty pirates sailing the seven seas; and, of course, Butch the Jackawawa – part Jack Russell, part Chihuahua and part fighting machine. He might only be little, but Butch was certainly big on personality, and when he was annoyed he had a fearsome temper. Then there was Stanley the crow, who’d been hand-reared by Eddie when he was just an abandoned chick. He didn’t live with Eddie any more, but, as Butch put it, he might as well have, as he was never away from the windowsill.

  ‘Yippee!’ Eddie shouted as he burst into his bedroom. ‘We’re going on our holiday in the morning, gang. Romney Marshes here we come,’ he told the assembled animals excitedly. ‘Mr Whetstone is picking us up in the car, and I can’t wait to see Aunt Budge again and, of course, Flo,’ he added. ‘She’s flying over on her own from Amsterdam the day after we get there. I’ve just been speaking to her on FaceTime.’

  ‘You seem to spend a lot of time talking to Flo,’ Butch said slyly. ‘I think you fancy her.’ And with that he proceeded to sashay across the room, shaking his little behind and fluttering his eyelashes. ‘Oh, Flo,’ he simpered, letting out a whistle (which is amazing for a dog). ‘I think I lurve you …’

  Eddie, blushing a deep red, started to stammer in protest.

  ‘What’s the matter, kid?’ Stanley the crow said mischievously. He was perched on his normal spot on the windowsill. ‘Cat got your tongue? I think Butch here might just have hit upon a sensitive subject.’

  ‘Oh yes,’ Butch agreed. ‘He’s really secretly in love with Flo.’ And he began to sing. ‘Flo, Flo, I love you so,’ he howled, making everybody wince as the noise that Butch mistakenly called singing was terrible.

  ‘Honestly,’ Bunty said, grunting as she tried to get out of her deckchair. Eddie had bought it for her one Christmas, even though it was actually meant for a small doll. Bunty liked to lie in it after her daily workout on her wheel, and although she looked a little undignified sitting on her back with her little legs in the air, she claimed it was very comfortable.

  ‘Listen to you two,’ she said, wagging a paw at Stanley and Butch. ‘Can’t a boy and a girl just be good friends without the likes of you two sniggering and giggling?’

  ‘Aah, we were only teasing, Bunty,’ Stanley tried to explain, even though he was clearly desperate to laugh. ‘Just a bit of fun.’

  But Butch couldn’t hold back his fit of the giggles, just bursting to escape, any longer. He fell on to his back, kicking his legs about and howling with laughter. This set Stanley off, who tried to disguise his burst of the giggles by pretending he had hiccups.

  ‘Really, just look at the pair of you.’ Bunty tutted disapprovingly. ‘You need to grow up, honking away like a pair of silly geese.’

  This only made Butch and Stanley laugh even louder.

  ‘Thank the skies I’m a modern hamster with progressive views,’ she added, picking up a couple of sunflower seeds and popping them into her mouth.

  ‘Thank you, Bunty,’ Eddie said gratefully. ‘And in case you two didn’t hear her, Flo and I are just good mates. That’s all. Nothing else. Now, pull yourselves together and stop sniggering,’ and he started packing his suitcase for the trip without saying another word, unaware that Butch and Stanley were winking at each other behind him.

  The fish, who’d been hanging over their tank listening to the conversation, suddenly piped up saying that they’d had a change of heart about going to Kent as they had a very important project that they were getting involved in and couldn’t spare the time for a holiday, so were staying put at home.

  ‘We can look after ourselves, you know,’ Jake announced, folding his fins defiantly in front of his little chest. ‘We managed all right when our ship was scuttled and sunk and we ended up in the South China Sea.’

  ‘And don’t forget, Jake, those seas were shark-infested,’ Dan said proudly. ‘Millions of ’em.’

  ‘Yes,’ Jake agreed. ‘And they were full of ginormous jellyfish as well.’

  ‘One sting and you’re dead,’ Dan said gleefully, slapping his fins together. ‘But thanks to the skill and cunning lessons that we had at Pirate School, we survived.’

  ‘What’s Pirate School, then?’ Butch asked them, refusing to believe a word of their story.

  ‘A school for pirates, stupid,’ Dan scoffed. ‘They teach you how to sword-fight and how not to get seasick and how to walk with a wooden leg without falling overboard, just in case you lose one in battle.’

  ‘Dan lost his eye in a fierce swor
d fight, didn’t you?’ Jake said proudly.

  ‘That’s right,’ his brother agreed. ‘And that’s why I have to wear an eye patch to this very day.’

  ‘Don’t be silly,’ Butch replied, yawning loudly. ‘That’s not an eye patch, it’s a birthmark.’

  ‘And you’re just a stupid Jack-a-poo-poo,’ Jake said angrily. ‘What do you know about pirates or eye patches?’ And with that he bobbed back down into his tank to fill his mouth so he could squirt a jet of water straight at Butch.

  ‘Can I ask you boys something?’ Bunty said, quickly sensing what Jake was up to and worried in case things turned nasty. ‘Apart from using skill and cunning, how did you escape from these shark- and jellyfish-infested waters?’

  ‘We hitched a ride from a giant turtle,’ Jake replied. ‘Wedged ourselves under one of his flippers, we did, and headed for home.’

  ‘So, the turtle swam all the way up the Mersey?’ Bunty asked suspiciously, ‘and dropped you off here, then? In Birkenhead? How very interesting,’ she added, like a detective questioning a suspect. ‘Tell me more.’

  ‘We’re answering no more questions,’ Dan said suddenly with an air of authority. ‘You’ll have to wait till we publish our memoirs.’

  ‘Oh, you’ve gone and let the big secret out now about our project,’ an angry Jake told his brother. ‘You and your big mouth!’

  ‘I didn’t know it was supposed to be a big secret,’ Dan objected. ‘Nobody told me.’

  ‘Well, it was,’ Jake replied sulkily, ‘and now they all know.’

  ‘And when will your book be out in the shops?’ Stanley asked, trying to sound very serious.

  ‘When we’ve written it,’ they both sang out together. ‘So that’s why we’re not coming cos we’ve got a lot of writing to do.’

  ‘Fish can’t write, and even if you could the ink would run in the water,’ Eddie told them.

  ‘Who said we’re using ink?’ Jake replied, with a smug expression on his face. ‘We’re using a computer – so there.’

  Eddie sighed and stopped packing for a moment. The fish were being a real pain in the neck tonight. ‘You’ll never get a computer in your tank,’ he explained patiently. ‘And even if you did it would blow up and electrocute you, and besides,’ he went on, ‘Dad’s going to be really busy, so you’re coming with us and that’s that.’

  The fish jumped from the side of the tank and back into the water, swimming furiously to the bottom of the tank to sulk.

  ‘Well, if they stay behind then they’ll miss out on all the action to be had on the Romney Marshes,’ Stanley said, winking at Eddie with a beady eye and raising his voice so the fish could hear him underwater. ‘All those tales of smugglers and pirates fighting the customs men, not to mention the buried treasure. Chests full of gold coins, they say it is. Why, I thought the fish would love it, seeing how they’re both pirates themselves,’ the crafty crow said.

  On hearing this the fish rose to the top of the tank and hung over the edge again.

  ‘You said pirates?’ a wide-eyed Jake asked excitedly.

  ‘And smugglers?’ Dan joined in, suddenly extremely curious.

  ‘Yep,’ Stanley replied. ‘The place is full of them.’

  ‘That’s it, then,’ they both chorused, high-fiving each other with their fins. ‘We’re coming with you. We’ll write our memoirs another time.’

  ‘Good,’ Eddie said. ‘Now that’s sorted out I think we should all get to bed before Dad starts shouting up the stairs.’

  ‘In that case, I’ll be off,’ Stanley said. ‘I’ll fly down to Kent once you’ve all settled in. I’ll probably drop in on an old friend who lives in the Tower of London. He’s actually a raven, but that doesn’t bother me. A bird’s a bird as far as I’m concerned. It doesn’t matter what sort you are,’ he added. ‘I keep asking him to come on a little trip with me, but he won’t as he reckons that if he ever leaves the Tower then all England will fall.’

  ‘Fall where?’ Butch asked. ‘Into the river?’

  ‘No,’ Stanley explained. ‘I think he meant that disaster would befall the country if the ravens ever left the Tower. It’s quite a responsibility.’

  ‘Oh, in that case,’ Butch replied, nodding wisely, ‘he’d better stay at home.’

  ‘Right. Well, kiddies, I’m off,’ Stanley announced, flapping his wings. ‘Have a safe trip, and I’ll see you when I see you,’ and with that, he flew out of the window and vanished into the night sky.

  ‘How long will it take us to get to Kent, Mr Whetstone?’ Eddie asked, now that he and the gang were safely in the back of Aunt Budge’s beautiful car and on their way.

  ‘About five and a half hours,’ the old chauffeur replied. ‘That’s if the traffic is good and, of course, we’ll have to make a few stops on the way so Butch can attend to his business.’

  ‘Attend to his business?’ Butch yapped. ‘Does he think I work in an office or something? Tell him it’s called having a wee.’

  ‘Really, Butch,’ Bunty said disapprovingly. ‘There’s no need to explain it to us, we know what Mr Whetstone means.’

  ‘Humph,’ was all Butch could think of as a reply, but Bunty was ignoring him and sitting as she was on Eddie’s shoulder, she’d turned back to look out of the window, waving her paw at a couple of women waiting to cross the road at the traffic lights.

  ‘You see that lad in the back of that posh car,’ one of the women said to her friend, ‘well, there’s something sitting on his shoulder.’

  ‘Like what?’ her friend asked, squinting at the car as she’d forgotten her glasses.

  ‘I think it’s a hamster,’ she replied. ‘And what’s more, I think it’s waving at us.’

  ‘Don’t talk daft,’ her friend said, laughing. ‘Oh, now look what’s happened,’ she moaned. ‘The lights have changed so we’ve got to wait again now. You and your waving hamsters, you’ll be saying you’ve seen the Queen sitting on the back of the Number 42 bus eating crisps next.’

  As the car passed the two women, Bunty gave them another big wave, only using both her paws this time. Butch, wondering what was going on, leapt up on to the back of the seat and, being Butch, decided to join in the fun by turning round and pressing his bum against the window.

  ‘Look,’ the woman cried in disbelief as the car sped by. ‘It is a hamster and it is waving at us, and now there’s a little dog as well who’s showing us his …’ She paused as she realised what Butch was doing. ‘Oh! The rude little thing!’ she exclaimed and, nudging her friend in the side, she said, ‘Put your specs on and have a look, will you?’ But by then it was too late, as the car was out of sight.

  ‘Come on,’ was all her friend said. ‘I think we’d better get you home as you’re obviously overtired,’ and they crossed the road with the woman trying to convince her friend that she wasn’t tired and that she’d definitely seen a hamster waving at her and a dog giving her a moonie.

  After a few hours, Whetstone suggested they stop at a service station. He took Butch off for a walk so the little dog could ‘attend to his business’ as he’d put it, while Eddie, with Bunty in his top pocket, went inside the services. But before he did that he rang his dad.

  ‘Don’t tell me you’re there already!’ was the first thing his dad said. ‘That was quick; did you travel by rocket?’ Eddie told him that they weren’t in Kent yet and that they were at the services, and after he’d been to the loo he was going in to see if he could buy something to read.

  They chatted for a while. Eddie’s dad was easy to talk to and Eddie really appreciated all the sacrifices he had made so he could look after him after his mum had died. He’d given up on music and as he had no qualifications apart from being an amazing dad and a brilliant musician, he’d been working in a low-cost supermarket. But after realising that he’d be the worst supermarket manager in the country, and after receiving an offer of a job with an orchestra, he’d returned to music.

  ‘I’ll miss you,’ Eddie said, as they finished their conve
rsation.

  ‘I’ll miss you too, son,’ his dad replied. ‘But promise me, no more adventures. You stay safe and out of trouble as I don’t want to be reading about you on the internet again, d’you hear me?’

  ‘Loud and clear, Dad,’ Eddie promised. ‘And anyway, what trouble could I get into on the Romney Marshes?’

  ‘Eddie,’ his dad replied, ‘you could get into trouble in an empty house, so be good. Love you.’

  ‘Love you back, Dad,’ Eddie replied.

  After Eddie had been to the loo, he wandered into the self-service restaurant to see what was on offer. He wasn’t a bit hungry; he was just curious to see what it looked like. There was a salad bar in the middle of the food area that was full of dishes containing lettuce and tomatoes and all the things you’d expect in a salad. He leant closer to the counter to take a better look, but then a man came along and pushed him rudely out of the way. Eddie looked up at him angrily, but the man acted as if Eddie wasn’t there and instead carried on piling his plate high with tomatoes.

  ‘Excuse me,’ Eddie said to the rude man, who continued to ignore him, and getting no response, he decided to head back to the car.

  Just as he got to the exit, he heard a loud yell and turning round he saw the yell had belonged to the rude man. He’d dropped his plate, which had smashed all over the floor, sending sliced tomato and Thousand Island dressing everywhere.

  ‘There’s a rat in the lettuce,’ he was shouting. ‘A great big rat just sitting there.’ Everyone turned round to have a look, and a couple of the staff were already coming out from behind the counter to see what the fuss was about.

  Eddie immediately felt his top pocket and, just as he’d feared, Bunty wasn’t there. Rushing over to the counter he lifted a leaf of iceberg lettuce and there, munching on some shredded carrot, was Bunty.

  ‘There it is,’ the man shouted.

  Quickly grabbing Bunty, Eddie ran as fast as he could towards the exit.